wishing i was with you

i struggle.

when there are deaths around me, all i want is to be in that persons place.
to be the one up in heaven.

not because its hard that that person is gone from this place.
but because i want so much to be with my daddy up in heaven.
to be done with this world.

i struggle.

to find reason to be happy with staying here.
to find reason to take on each day with the joys and pains.

not because i hate my life or anything.
but because i dont understand why we are here going through these steps.
when Daddy could just end it all now and bring us all to his kingdom.

i struggle.

to find words for the emotions i feel.
to find feelings for the emotions i feel.

not because they are so different from what others feel.
but because i dont understand them, or know how to release them.
all i can do is pray.

i struggle.

to stick with the life i was given.
to find purpose and meaning in each new day.

not because i want someone elses life.
but because i want someone elses death.
i want to be with the one that i love more then all else, whos love for me is uncomprehensible.

i struggle.

with not caring about life here on earth.
with not being happy, in every situation He places me in.

not because im heartless.
but because i wish i could fade away from this little place.
and appear at the incredible party with the love of my life.

thats where i want to be.
nothing else fills me like his love for me.
nothing else completes me.
nothing else come close to comparing with the joy i find with Him.
and how much greater that joy will be when we are together in His house.
when nothing separates us.